I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
