the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
