i don't plan on having that self control this summer
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
