i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
