I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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