I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
