2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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