first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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