I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
