we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
