3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
