So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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