you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
