I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
