what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
