he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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