Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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