i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
