Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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