I think I won the penis lottery.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
