I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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