he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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