ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
