The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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