I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
