I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
