I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
