WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
