Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
