May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
