Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
