So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
