The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize