i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
