Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
