Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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