Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
