I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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