The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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