Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
