i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
