but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
