2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
