And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
