question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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