Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize