the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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