Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
