Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
