So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
