I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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