"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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