What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
