im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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