I smell stomach acid.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
