if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
