so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
