The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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