How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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