There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
