So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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