He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
