it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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