when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
