He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
