How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
