No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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