Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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