he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
