And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
