i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How's work?
Spinning.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
