The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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