She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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