is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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