he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
