I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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