im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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