I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
