dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
