just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
