mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
