how do flat chested girls get laid?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
