I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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