You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
