sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
