were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
